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Hi Everyone, I’m Ruthy and I am a secret failure.

Everyone: Hi Ruthy.

There are things I have wanted to do with my life. Things I haven’t told anyone save for a few times I’ve laughed them off like they are hilarious Jokes. See, I have been thinking that if no one knows I am failing then I am not failing. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Failing by yourself means no one can help you improve something the next time you try because no one knows there is anything to fix. Its terrible, really. You think of yourself as a failure and whatever good thing you achieve you cant even celebrate. There’s always that one (hopefully just one) thing you’re failing at that blocks out any sense of achievement you may even think of feeling. So, Here’s a few things I’ve been failing miserably at:

Writing.

Here. On this Blog. Every week. No one, not even you knows that that’s one of the few resolutions I made in the beginning of the year, Then again on my birthday. I told no one. Halfway through the year and this is the second post I’m writing.

Riding a Bicycle / Rollerblading. 

I simply don’t understand how you balance on a bicycle. Why? I’ve never tried. I’ve always wanted to but never tried. I tried rollerblading once. Way before Taj mall had highway for a balcony. I almost cracked my skull on that day getting on them without protective gear. Still, something about the way people glide on them excites me.

Modelling.

I grew up watching America’s Next Top model on my parents’ black and white TV powered by an old Car battery. I admired everything between the photo shoots and the run way strut. Many years later I am still admiring. Taking a good photo here and there. I need to get out of the house

Being Alone.

This is most probably why I’ve been failing at everything else. Being the last born in a big family makes you used to being with a sibling or the other at all times. Walking to school, Going shopping, tying something new, visiting friends you name it. I am rarely alone. so much so that I feel awkward walking by myself. I feel like I everyone is wondering why I’m alone. Paranoia? Mostly.

So I am failing. Until just now, I am the only one who knew it.

 

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